At the end of last episode we left Michael and Jordan saying good bye to each other till they had time to spend with each other. It's now Tuesday and Jordon is waking up by her(him)self.
The alarm is ringing. It's 4:45 Am. Jordon hits the snooze button. Then with her head still on the pillow opens one eye and looks at the time. "Shit." she says. Not knowing why she did it she reaches her arm around behind her and feels the emptiness of the bed. "Shit." Again. I've got to get up. There will be patients coming in at 6:00. We have a Team meeting 15 minutes before the patients start to arrive and I want to talk to Lorraine before that meeting. How am I going to talk to her? What am I going to say?
"Shit." I throw back the covers and roll and put my feet on the floor. I go into the bathroom and turn the shower on. I take off my T-shirt and panties. Walk back to the bedroom and throw them in the hamper in my closet. I go back into the bathroom and check the water. It's still cold. I go and grab some clothes to wear for work. Panties and scrubs. Should I wear a bra today? I don't have much, but it will give me more of a girlish impression if I have it on.
"Oh Shit." How am I going to tell my colleagues that I want to be a woman and be treated like one. I think that they will laugh at me. Neo they will harass me. Call me names.
"Shit. Shit" Why did I think that I could be a woman. I'm out of my mind. No one there is going to like me any more. They are all going to hate me. I check the water and it is finally warm. I step in and shower. I shampoo my hair. Rince it out. I use some of my scented soaps. I like the soaps. They smell like flowers and it makes me smell so nice. Yes. Only a woman would care that she smells like flowers. A man certainly wouldn't give a rat's ass about smelling like flowers. I think it would be the opposite. I think a man would hate to smell, like a rose. Would I like Michael to smell like a rose.. Nope not at all. I like his muskiness. I'm out of the shower and have dried my self and put on my panties. I look and see that I actually got a bra and pantie set that matched. I smile to myself and think, "good girl."
I don't have to do much with my hair. It has gotten long enough that I just pull it back while it's wet and put it in a ponytail. Today I grab a pink scrunchy to match my bra and panties. No one is going to see that they match but I will know and I think that is sexy. I grab some socks and pull them on, then my scrubs. I'm ready. I'm still bending down and see myself in the mirror. I can see my bra that is almost empty. I did take estrogen for about a six to 8 weeks. So I had some buds. i don't yet fill an A-cup. I would say that I'm an A- (A minus). I should wear a t-shirt under my scrubs. I take off my scrub top. grab a random t-shirt out of my drawer. Put it back on. the color clashed with my hair scrunchy. Found my pink one, put it on, pulled my scrub top back on. Looked in the mirror. Yes that would be okay. I can grab some coffee in lunch room and maybe a muffin for breakfast.
I have a few minutes yet. I go into the bath room and put on some mascara and a small bit of eyeliner. Lipstick? I find some that I have that is a very pale pink. There, not too much though.
I grab my coat and put on my boots and head out the door. I take the stairs down to the basement where the garage is and get in my car. It's way too early to see anyone else down here. I get in my car, get it started. Head to work. It's only about a 10 minute drive. I get there and find a parking spot. Walk, flash my badge at the electric lock. I clicks and I go in. It's almost a maze to get to the locker room for the nursing staff for same day surgery. I get there and see I'm almost the first one there. There is another nurses, Kelly, there already. We say hi to each other. She is a really sweet woman. I see that Lorraine is in her office, I step in and say Hi. She looks up at me and smiles. It's a weird smile. Like a parent would give to one of her kids, when she suspects that she is having her leg pulled.
I ask, "Do you have a minute? It won't take long."
"Yes. But not more then a minute. We have to have our team meeting before the day starts. What is it?
"Uhm." My brain went and left me. "Well, I've decided that I'm going to transition and become a woman. Well at least start the process. See if I can get on hormones and all that other stuff."
She say, "Really." Almost sounding like she was upset. " I thought you were already doing that."
I look at her and am sort of in shock. "You thought that I was already in transition?
"Yeah. I'm sure that I'm not the only one here that thinks that." She says as she smiles. "I don't think that you are going to surprise anyone when you tell everyone that."
"What ?' I say. "When I tell everyone? I tell everyone !!"
"Well, that's why we have these meetings. To spread info, so we are all on the same page. No one is misinformed. Time to go to the huddle."
I hadn't thought of that. Shit. Can I face all of my peers and tell them. I know there are a few that think I'm just a gay fairy. Shit!
We are in huddle now. Lorraine is giving us out assignments and what rooms we will be in how many patients we have for the day and what procedures are going to be done. After she has told us all of the stuff that we need to know to start our day, she says, "Hold on everyone. Jordon has some thing to tell us."
Shit. I think to myself. Then I say, "Hi all. I hope you all had a great holiday." Then deciding that the best way to talk about it is just to start. "I decided this past weekend that I'm going to see about transitioning to become a woman. It's something that I have been thinking about for a long time. And with the new year I thought that it would be my New Years resolution."
I look at every one and I see that Joyce has the biggest smile on her face. Like the Cheshire cat that has a big secret that she can barely keep to herself. I see one, Sheila, that has this look on her face that looks like she would kill me now, if she could. I'm so glad that I don't have to work with her today. I breath a big sigh of relief that I'm working with Joyce. She's a few years older than me , but after running into her at the mall I've gotten to think that she is really a sweet person.
We get to station 3 where her and I will be working together. I walk in and start to check that we have everything for staring some IV's today. I hear her behind me, and she is pulling the curtains together to close up the room.
I turn to tell her that is is too early to do that, when she grabs me and gives me a big hug.
She says," I am so proud of you for doing this. I have a nephew that wanted to start being a girl when he was 12. His mother, or my sister-in-law thought he was crazy. She wouldn't do any thing for him. She even sent him to one of those "cure your homosexuality camps". He came back home and tried to kill himself. She was going to disown him and kick him out of the house. I told her that I would take care of him till he was older and able to be on his own. I took care of him for a couple of years. I didn't do anything to him except love him and accept him for who he was. He was smart as hell. I would buy him girl clothes that he could wear around the house and taught him to be like a girl. But also to stay in the closet till he was 18 and would be old enough to do the things he would need to do. He turned 18 a few years ago and transitioned or has started to. He doesn't have anything to do with his mother. His dad will sneak over and see him at my place when he is in town. She has become such a beautiful young woman now. I don't know what I'm saying. I still think of him as my nephew, but he really is my niece. No. She is my niece. I have to stop thinking of her as a him. That's so hard when you have known someone for so long." She paused for a bit and then added. "I do want you to know that there are a few of us. No most of us that work here feel the same way that I just told you. That we are surprised, as we thought you had done this some time ago. We will support you in any way we can. Us girls have to stick together." Then another pause. "But there is one or two girls here that don't think what you are doing is right or natural. I expect you will find out from them sometime. I just hope it is later. When you are ready. We've got to get to work."
I gave her a big hug and finished assembling the IV set up and got some tape ready. She went and got the patient. We did the prep for him having his surgery. I wheeled him on the gurney to the OR and then left. We would get him back to our station after he had his surgery. I went and helped at another station as the nurse that was there was by herself. Our first patient came back for the OR and was pretty sedated yet. We got him tucked onto the recovery bed and started to monitor his vitals. Joyce looked at me and asked, "Have you had breakfast yet?"
"No." I said. "I thought I would grab something on the way in but ended up getting busy before I had a chance."
"Why don't you grab us both a muffin and some coffee. I'll watch him. I think he will be out for a while."
I smile at her and say. "What kind of muffing do you want?"
"Blueberry. Please."
I take off and get to the cafeteria. I find a couple of blueberry muffins and buy them. I get to the checkout and the clerk says, "Hi Jordan. Did you have a happy new year?"
I smiled at her and said. "Yes. Did you?"
She says, 'Yes. But I think I'm too old to be going out and partying on New Years. I stayed up till 10:30 and me and the hubby went to bed. But we didn't do anything but sleep after we hit the bed. Getting old sucks. If you know what I mean?"
I looked at her and smiled. "Yes. In a way. I just hope I can put that off for some time yet."
"Well, If you have a boy friend, try to keep that spark alive for as long as you can. Sometimes it's nice to have someone to snuggle up to after playing hide the salami. Or just to hide the salami with some one." She laughed.
I looked around and realized I was the only one that heard her words. She obviously thought I was a woman. Or did she? Maybe the way I've been presenting myself in the hospital, in this little bit of the world, everyone thought of me as a woman. There was a mirror behind the cash register that I looked in and saw myself. Yes, I guess I can see why she thinks that.
I put the muffins in a little bag and left with them, I got 2 coffees and French vanilla creamer that I knew Joyce liked. I headed back to the surgery recovery area. I had to pass by administration on the way. Jean, who was the head of HR was standing in the hallway outside her office. She said, "Hi. Happy New Year." as I walked by. I had gotten a little ways past her when she asked me," Jordan. Do you have a minute?"
I said, "Yes. But a very short minute."
"Come In and shut the door."
"Okay." I closed the door behind me as I stepped into her office. " Is there a problem?"
"No. Not really."
"Lorraine came to administration this morning for our admin huddle and told us of your...." she paused. "I don't know what you call it. But where you told of your intention to become a female. When do you intend to tell us here in administration?"
"Uhm. I don't know. I didn't know when I should tell you. I had thought of telling you after I see endocrinology and was started on hormones. If they thought that I should be on them. I don't think that I'm going to be put on them just because I would like them. I suppose there has to be a medical indication and I would probably need to see a psychologist to see if I have gender dysphoria or whatever. I don't know If I need to change anything on my file if I'm not able to get on hormones. Their won't be any changes. That I foresee."
"Yes. But if you want to be considered a woman, we can put in your file and then if you are harassed by any other employee of the organization, then you have some legal rights." (I DON"T KNOW IF THIS IS TRUE). Also when you become a woman there will be some changes in how much money you make. You know that women do make less than a man. Don't you?" she pauses for a bit then she starts laughing. " I loved the look on your face.. No. At least in nursing, woman and men make the same amount. The only difference is because of experience and their position in the hierarchy. Supervisors make more as you know." She pauses for a while still smiling. "Everyone thinks that HR is humorless. Sorry if I popped that bubble for you. So short answer. Let me know when you want to start being a woman officially. It's not a big deal to change it in the computer. You know that at some point you'll have to get a new drivers license. I'm not for sure how hard that is. But I can find out for you if you want. Let me know."
I thanked her and left. Not really knowing how to feel about the whole encounter with her. I think that she may be helpful. She doesn't seem to give off any bad fibes.
I got back to recovery. Our Patient was awake now. I helped him sit up and Joyce had gotten him some coffee and toast. He was hungry and wanted more but, we told him that his stomach had been put to sleep as well and if he ate too much he would probably vomit it all up. Joyce and I had about 3 other patients for the morning. It got to be lunch time and we still had a patient. We usually split lunch. We'd get a patient back from the OR and if they were still sleeping one of us would go get lunch and take it in the break room. Once they were done then they would come back and the other nurse would go get their lunch. Joyce had gone and had her lunch and the patient was not awake yet, Though I was trying to get him to wake up. Joyce came back and I went to get my lunch. Got a small salad and some juice. Walked into the break room and noticed the nurse that had given me the evil eye at the mornings huddle was having her lunch in the breakroom. I sat at a different table. I said hi to her. She got up and went over and closed the door, with just the 2 of us in the room.
She started with, "You are disgusting. I don't know what you are. You are a freak. You seemed like you were a regular person when I first met you. But then you started to dress like a girl. It was really subtle at first. But I noticed it. Then it got more obvious. Now you prance around here like a little fairy. I don't know what happened to you but you need help. You need to be on some psych medicine to straighten you out. You need to leave this place. I don't know if I can keep working here if you stay here. I'm going to file a complaint against you. Then they can shit can your ass." She had worked herself up and at the end of her rant she was yelling. She was walking around the room. pushing chairs over knocking some over, hitting the tables. Finally she stopped and realized the mess she had made. I looked at her and said, "Then, I suppose you don't want me to cover for you, next month when you go on vacation?"
She says," What? Now you're going to hold that over my head. Shit. My husband and I have been planning that for a few months. It's hard to get anyone to cover for me. But you said you would. Now you're going weasel out of it."
I start," Sheila." I say calmly. "You call me names, insult me, and tell me that you think I'm disgusting, that I'm a freak. You feel that I shouldn't be able to work here. You tell me that you can't stand me. But after insulting me, you still think that me covering for for you is no big deal. I had to cancel the plans that I had made to be able to cover for you. You still think that I owe it to you to still cover for you when you leave. Fuck you Sheila! Find some one else. After all you've said, there is no way I would do that for you. In fact I'm going to file a complaint against you."
"Oh. Sure you are?" She says. " It will be my word against yours. Who do you think they are going to believe? Me or the fucking pervert that works here. I think I have this won. So, shut your fucking face."
"I'm thinking that they would believe me."
" Yeah, because you are so fucking smart and such a goody two shoes. Hell I don't think that they want a pervert to work here. I think that you should start packing your bags."
"But, you want me to stay here till your vacation is over. Right? What If you don't have someone else to cover for you while you're gone. What if you don't have a job when it's time to go on vacation."
She laughs, "What ! You are crazy. You couldn't get me fired. I show up to work every day. "
I interrupted her, "Yeah, Sometimes hung over and sometimes smelling of booze."
" Yeah. So what? It's not like I'm the only one here that does it. Hell I think half the nurses working here have tipped the bottle before they come in. Hell, sometimes I can't stand to take care of some of these whiners unless I did have a nip or two. What's it to you? I can do my job, even if I have had a few drinks. "
"So are you going to file a complaint against me?" I ask. "If you are? On what grounds? I'm thinking I would return the favor and file one against you."
"Again? It would be my work against the Perv. Who are they going to believe?"
"Oh. I don't know. Maybe they would have to look at the video."
She laughs, " Video?"
"Yes." I turn my head and look up at it. It's a very small inconspicuous camera that is in the corner and covers the whole room and the door. "Yes. The camera. It would show you turning over the chairs and pushing table around and yelling at me. All creating a hostile work environment. Kiss my ass Sheila"
I get up and walkout and go to Lorraine's office and tell her about my encounter with Sheila. She makes a phone call and then tells me that they have the imaging of her pushing chairs and yelling at me. She tells me she will have a word with Sheila. She will also have to talk to the head of nursing for the hospital to see if this is grounds for dismissal. I suggest that they ask her for a urine drug screen and a blood alcohol too. Just in case. She says that is in the policy/ procedure for any kind of complaint that is made about workplace violence.
I get back and Joyce has a new patient, and has taken care of the other patient that we were sharing. She asks how was my long lunch break. I told her about my lunch with Sheila and how I had to talk to Lorraine afterwards.
She says, " I wish I could say that I didn't see that coming, But she has been making a lot of mistakes and just acting like a full blown bitch at times. I know every time I work with her I feel like I'm walking on a tightrope. She's just not fun to work with."
I say," I hope you don't feel that way about me. I am sorry that I took so much time for lunch but she shut the door and went raving mad on me. I'm just glad I didn't start crying or punched her or some dumb thing like that. I would have felt like a total loser."
"Oh. You don't have to worry about how people feel about you. You are easy to work with. You go out of your way to help whoever you are working with. You show compassion for helping your patients. I really enjoy working with you. You do a good job and make life interesting."
"Even after I told every one that I wanted to become a woman. You still think I'm okay? Not a pervert or some deviant?"
She smiles and chuckles a bit." Well when you first started coming in trying to be subtle about trying to look like a girl. I don't think anyone here didn't notice that you would wear make up; Sometimes wear a bra. And when you started to grow out your hair and wearing a scrunchie. We all just wondered when were you were going to tell us what you were doing. But then we thought, what's the big deal? She wants to be a woman, let her be a woman. I think we were surprised a little bit this morning when you announced it, because we thought that you had been trying for a few years." She laughs.
We continued to work together and talk and I felt that I had gotten more close to her than to anyone else in a long time.
Joyce had walked the last patient out to their car after his driver brought the car up close. We were starting to clean up the room when Dr. Dakili walked into our room. Dr Dakili was the CEO of the organization that I worked for. He was also an endocrinologist. He said, "Good afternoon, Joyce." He nods to her. "Good afternoon Jordan. Do you have a minute?"
"Yes." I said.
"Can we go some where where there is more privacy?" He says.
Oh Shit. I knew announcing that I wanted to transition was going to end up bad.
He says, "I heard something concerning today at noon. I was wondering if you would want to meet at 4:00 when you are done and we can discuss this? If that is okay? My 4:00 appointment canceled and we could talk more privately then?"
Oh Shit. This is bad. " Yes. that would be okay. Your administrative office, or your medical office?" If it's the admin office I'm in the shitter.
"Yes. That' right the clinic office. That's okay?"
"Oh yes. that's okay. It's almost 3:30. So I have time to help clean up here and do some paper work. So I think 4: 00 would be okay"
"Good. I'll tell Wanda, she's my nurse, that you are coming and she can get your vitals and all that. See you then. Oh. She may want to get some blood from you as well. No, that's not right I may want you to have a couple of blood tests also. Depends," You could see that he was thinking. "Yes let's get some blood from you after. You might have to come back here or the ER to have them draw it."
After he left time seemed to have speeded up. Joyce and I are wiping down everything and picking stuff up, when she notices that I only have about 5 minutes to get to his office. I thank her and tell her I'm sorry for taking off and not finishing. She gives me a big smile and says to get my ass over there.
I arrive at the Endocrinology clinic, and Wanda was expecting me. She tells me to follow her and she leads me to a exam room. I walk in and she tells me to have a seat. I sit down. She asks how I'm doing and I say okay.
She says, " I heard there was a little confrontation down there this morning."
I say, " Yes. You could say that."
"Dr. Dakili heard about it and he spent some time down there. I guess he even watched the video before he talked to you. He was really upset. I don't think that nurse is going to be working here any more." She took my weight and height and then my vitals. She said,"Good luck on your journey." and left. As she was walking out the door Dr. Dakili walked in.
"Hi again." He reached toward me and offered his hand. I shook hands with him noting that they were warm and felt I'm not for sure why I sensed it but they felt friendly as well. He starts," I hear through the grape vine that you want to become a woman? Is that true.?
I say , "Yes."
"How long have you had that thought that you would like to be a woman?"
"Oh. I think I was about 10 when I started to wear girls clothes. I think when I was 14 I started to wish that I looked like a girl."
" Did you wear girls clothes out side of your home, go to school dressed as a girl?"
"Technically, yes but no. I liked to always dress like a girl on Halloween, but never any other time. Other kids really gave me a bad time on Halloween. Teasing me that they had bet friends that I would be a girl the next Halloween. But I was lucky. No one ever beat me up then."
"When you dress at home. How often and what did you wear?
"Almost daily, Mom was home and she didn't care. I didn't get in trouble and I got good grades at school. I was like a daughter to her. Helping in the house work. She always made sure that I was in my boy clothes before my dad came home. He saw me one time and he didn't like it a bit. Mom bought me panties and girl clothes. I wore panties all the time. She did the laundry. and kept my girl things hidden."
"How do your parents feel about you now.? "
"Oh. They were killed in a head on collision with a drunk driver when I was in college. My mother supported my dressing up to when I was in college. In fact a couple of times when I came home mom expressed that she had hoped that I brought her daughter home too when I came home. If my dad left to go somewhere, she always told me to get going and be her girl for a few hours. I'd change and we would sometimes just sit around and visit. With me in a dress and makeup. Then to my bedroom to change once we heard my dad coming home."
"So your mother encouraged you to dress?"
"Not really encouraged me to dress, but supported me and accepted me when I did dress. I think she liked the person I became when I was dressed. As apposed to the guy that was just me. I think she liked the girl Jordan more than the boy Jordan"
"Do you get any sexual arousal when you get dressed?"
"No. I get more relaxed when I dress. I feel like I'm always tense when I'm not dressed. I found out a long time ago that if I even just wear panties that I'm a little bit relaxed. But not like when I'm fully dressed. I've noticed that if I wear a bra and panties to work and have my scrubs on I look just like all the other nurses and I feel like a woman and I feel like myself."
"Well It sounds like you should go through transition and start on hormone."
"Really. That's all there is to it."
"No. There are a lot more questions I have to ask some questions to see if you have gender dysphoria. It used to be that I'd send you to a psychologist and they would ask all the questions. But, the psychologist that was here moved and now we don't have anyone that does the gender dysphoria determination. But after she left she got in with another group of psychologists that specialized in gender counseling and they also do online counseling, but their team has developed an on-line questionnaire to help determine if someone has gender dysphoria. I'll pull it up and we can get started on it." He paused for a while while he got into the program. " Okay. I got it. I'll start asking and you answer with always, sometimes, frequently, rarely or never."
"Ready?"
"Yeah.."
"Do you think of yourself as trans?"
"Yes."
"How often?"
"Oh yeah, Always."
" Have you thought of being the opposite sex?"
"Yes, Always."
"Instead of your birth assigned gender-or it's opposite. Have you thought of yourself to be non-binary or genderqueer ?"
"Frequently.?
"Have you been treated as the opposite gender by your family and friends?"
"Frequently."
"Have you had the feeling that you would be better off living your life as the opposite gender?"
"Frequently."
"Have you made an appearance as the opposite gender in public?"
I smiled thinking of being at the mall with Michael, "Yes. Oh Frequently."
"Have you had the feeling that the gender that you were assigned at birth isn't your real gender?"
"Frequently."
IF THIS IS TOO BORING YOU CAN SKIP DOWN TO THE END OF QUESTIONS.
"Are you the opposite gender in your dreams?"
Frequently.""
"Has the gender you were assigned at birth caused you feelings of distress or emotional pain?"
"Frequently."
"Have you done anything to alter your legal status. Like changed the gender on you drivers license, bank accounts with your desired gender name? "
" No. Not really. My name is a boy or girls name.. I don't think I would need to change it. Maybe instead of Edward for my middle name I'd change it to Elizabeth. Then I could keep the same initial."
"Do you consider yourself to be the same gender as that which you were assigned at birth?"
"No. Uhmm. Never."
"Do you find that you have to make an effort to present yourself as the gender you were assigned at birth?"
" Sometimes, But I usually don't try that."
?Do you consider yourself to be the opposite gender that you were assigned at birth?"
"Frequently. Is that a repeat question? I think that you just asked me that."
"Have you been unsure about you gender, having a sense that you might be both a man or a woman or neither?"
"I'd have to say always, I've always been unsure about my gender. Though I've never thought of myself as both a man and a woman. I've always though of myself as a girl."
" At school or you job, have you presented yourself as an opposite gender?"
"Yes. Frequently."
"Really? You've dressed as a woman while working in the ER and Recovery?"
"Yes. It's not hard. I just wear a bra to hold my breast forms in place. I guess I blend in pretty well with all the women that work there."
He leans back and smiles not saying anything. Then adds," I'm amazed. You've been doing this for how long? "
"I think probably at least a year maybe two. I don't wear the breast forms often and I usually only wear a bra a couple of times a week. I'll use makeup about every other day maybe."
"You just dress occasionally at work? How often at home?"
"Always. About 6 months ago I started to dress for when I run errands. Actually I think it's been longer than that."
" Okay. Back to the questions. How content are you with your birth assigned gender?"
"Not very."
"Have you felt a societal pressure to be or behave like the gender you were assigned as birth, even though it doesn't appeal to you?"
"Always."
"Do you dress in the opposite gender when in you home.?"
"Always,"
"Have you a feeling that you belong more to the opposite gender?"
"Always."
Have you had a feeling of not sharing much in common with either gender?"
"Sometimes."
"Have you thought or considered hormone treatment as you might transition physically to the opposite gender?"
"Always; "
"Do your visible sex organs make you dislike your body?"
"Always,"
"Have you been regarded as the opposite gender by people you haven't met before?"
"Always. Well, maybe frequently."
"Have you considered an operation of you body to become the opposite gender?"
"Frequently."
"Does it feel natural to use the public restrooms for the gender you were assigned at birth.?"
"Sometimes."
"Do you sometimes feel more like one gender. and a other times more like the other?"
"Never."
" Well that's it for questions. Let me have the computer score them up and we'll see where you are."
IF YOU SKIPPED AHEAD. 20 QUESTIONS IS OVER.
"Well, you scored pretty high. It seems to indicate that you have a significant amount of gender dysphoria. It recommends that you undergo counseling to help resolve this. Is that something that you want? From my experience I think that trying some HRT might be beneficial. That would be up to you. We do have gender counseling available, though it is through tele-health. Which is something like Skyping sort of thing "
"I'm all for going on HRT. I'm a little nervous about it. You said I scored high. How High?"
" Well. I can't really say as the computer doesn't give a scale. It just gives the number, and your numbers are in red. So I can't see where you are on the scale. And that I've only used this test about 5 times. But you have the highest score of anyone that I've tested before. A big concern is that someone has such a severe problem with it, that they may hurt themselves or in some cases have taken their lives. I don't want that to happen to you."
He continues," You know that the effects of Estrogen on the body? Men who are given estrogen will start to have changes in their body. Usually in a couple of weeks after starting you might notice the development of some breast buds. I didn't want to tell him that I had this already from taking it a few years ago. Back when I took it after not throwing it a way for patient.
"I'd like to start you on some Estradiol and a Testosterone blocker, Spironolactone. I'd also like to see you back in a month for a recheck and then check some blood work to see that the spirono hasn't changed your electrolytes and kidney function. As well as your estrogen and testosterone levels. You know Spiro is a diuretic, Right? So you need to make sure that you are drinking plenty of fluids. Maybe ask a fellow nurse to check your blood pressure once in a while. Do you want to use our hospital pharmacy for your meds.?"
" Yes. That would be great."
"I should ask." he says. "I've been giving the Estrodiol patch. You just change it once a week. I gives a more steady level of hormones from day to day. I know that the pills are the cheapest. But there were some problems with it doing some things with the liver, which hasn't been completely figured out. It could be that some people are taking it and are drinking alcohol a lot or got exposed to something else. The injections are also an option, but then you can have really varying levels. With that you might experience hot flashes as the levels go low. Also with the patches we start at a low dose and bump things up as needed. Any questions for me?"
"No. that I can think of. I appreciate your time. Can I ask you a question?
"Yeah." he says, somewhat surprised.
"You seem to really have an insight to what I'm going through. What is your experience with this?"
"Uhmm." He started. Then you could tell that he was going to get choked up as he was getting a little teary.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get you upset."
"Oh that's okay. I've not talked to anyone about this. I had an older brother that was trans. This was back when I was growing up in the Philippines. He was about 4 years older than me. He was 10 and I was 6. He would wear my older sisters dresses around the house. My older sister was 14. She used to dress him up, do make up on him and he'd play with her and her friends. When she started dating boys. He was at a lost of what to do with himself. He wanted to go out with her on double dates. That was when both of my parents laid the law down on him and forbid him to dress any more. He soon became very withdrawn, stopped coming out of his room. As I've looked back on that whole time period I thought that he was severely depressed. He was like that for a few months. Then he took an overdose of Tylenol. He didn't realize that that is a long slow, sometimes agonizing death from liver failure. Which was what it turned out to be for him. Our father, saw it as a form of manipulation to get what he wanted and never went to the hospital to see him. I saw it as him being so unhappy that if he couldn't be the girl that he wanted to be that he just couldn't go on living. Unfortunately that is something that still happens. It is still seen in my country though it is getting easier for girls to go through transition, but here in the US, there are so many people up at arms about it that it is getting harder. And it involves such a small number in our overall population. I think that most trans don't want all that attention. They just want to live their lives and be who they feel that they are.. I'm sorry. that was something that I shouldn't have gotten into with you. Forgive me for allowing myself to give you such a personal feeling that I have,"
I was at a loss of words. Then I started to stammer a bit. I could see that he had some tears in his eyes. "I'm sorry that I asked you that question. Please don't feel that you need to apologize for showing some emotion. I think that we in the medical profession are expected to be the fact spewers and give only the facts. But we do end up developing friendships and get really close to our patients. And we feel hurt inside when they hurt. I am very glad that I got to do my transition with you being my doctor."
"Thanks. I appreciate that. I'll sent the prescription to our pharmacy. We have a pretty good medication coverage policy with our insurance, so it should not break the bank. I'll also order some labs that you could have drawn before you leave. I'll let you know the results Thanks for coming in. Good luck. See you again in one month."
He was walking out of his office and was standing in the door as I passed. I stopped and gave him a hug. I could see that he wasn't expecting it and he seemed to not be used to getting hugs. But as I pulled away form the hug I could tell that he enjoyed it.
He says, " Thanks for that. The human touch is an amazing thing," smiling.
I go by the pharmacy and saw that there is a little line. I didn't have to wait long and I was given my instructions and list of warnings. He then told me to put a new patch on every week. Also I should write the date on the patch so would know which one I should take off and when. Don't take the old one off until you've had the new one on for 24 hours. It takes a while for the new one to start leaking the estrogen into you body. I thanked him and headed out and as I'm walking out to my car I get this urge that I want to see Michael and tell him about my day. I get into my car and call him. He answers right away.
"Hi Sweetness."
"Hi Michael, Do you feel like having some company?"
"Company? How Many ?"
"Oh. Just me."
"Just you. Would love to have some company of just you."
"Good. See you in a bit."
I drive over to his place and as I'm pulling up into his drive way the garage doors open and I see him standing in the garage in sweat pants and sweatshirt. He is waving me into the garage. I pull in and he moves out of the way and after I turn off my car I see that he is closing the garage door already.
I get out of the car and walk to the door and step in. He closes the door behind me. I take off my boots. and standing there give him a big hug and a kiss. He takes off my coat and throws it on a chair and gives me another hug and a long kiss. I'm getting "warm". I start to tell him about my day, but he is already giving me another hug and kiss. I pull his sweatshirt over the top of his head and feel his chest. He lifts my scrub top over my head. He was about to undo my bra when I stopped him.
"Not yet." I say." But soon."
I could tell that he wasn't wearing any underwear under his sweat pants. I reached down and gave his cock a little squeeze, appreciating that he was getting so hard so quickly. It is such a nice compliment to a gurls ego.
He says," would you like to come in? Maybe to the bed room?"
I say," Definitely, yes to the bedroom."
I pick up my scrub top and make my way to his bedroom. We walk into the door of his bedroom and I'm leading. I stop as I enter and turn. He is really close to me. I reach and undo the knot that is holding up his sweat pants. They drop to the floor and He steps out of them. I smile to myself feasting my eyes on him. He steps close to me and undoes the knot holding my scrub pants up. They too fall to the floor. He picks me up and carries me over to the bed and gently drops me, then crawls into bed beside me.
We start kissing again. He is caressing by little breast buds. I'm wishing they were bigger. I'm holding his cock, stroking him. He moves the straps of my bra aside and then takes a nipple into his mouth. After I took those hormones before my nips have been very sensitive. I've imagined so many times of a time like this. It feels so wonderful. I think he could take me to orgasm from just sucking on my nips. I move to his chest and run my tongue around his nips. Does this turn him on as much as it does when he does this to me?
I move down to his stomach and lower. I can feel his cock against my cheek as I kiss his lower stomach. I kiss the end of his cock and give it a little lick. I look up and I see he is lying back with his eyes closed. I take him in my mouth and use my tongue around the lower part of his crown. I'm sucking so hard and I can feel that it seems to get just slightly harder when I do that. I take a hold of it with my hand and start to stroke him as I bob my head up and down on his cock, I try to do a deep throat on him. I end up gagging. I need to practice that more.
He reaches over and is caressing my butt. I didn't think I would like it that much but it does feel nice. I can feel him move my thong out of the way. Soon I can feel that he is teasing my little rose bud with at finger. He's sliding his finger in a little then wiggling it. It kind of tickles. Then I can feel that he is putting 2 inside of me. I want to lean into his hand and have him in me.
I say, "I want you inside of me. Make love to me."
He looks at me and smiles. "Would love to."
After a pause, He says," I went and got a couple boxes of condoms and some lube."
I leaned up and gave him a big kiss. I know I don't have cum breath now.
He has a condom in his hand that I take away for him and put it on his hard cock. He has the lube, which I take away from him and then place a good blob on his cock. I use my hand and apply it to all of his cock, then some to my rose bud. I notice a towel on the headboard and reach for it as I move to straddle him. I drop the towel next to me and I reach down and grab his cock and guide him in. He is big. My ass has forgotten that he as been in it before. But as he slides in I get to that point where it feels so good that the pain seems to subside. I move to where I can feel him filling me. I let out a moan of pleasure. I can feel a smile forming on my face. I wiggle my butt while sitting on his pelvis. I feel like he is even farther inside of me. I am just relishing this moment, but I know that if I start moving the pleasure will be even more. I lean forward and can feel hm sliding out. But not all the way out. I move back and keep moving back and forth. I'm getting a rhythm now. Every so often I can feel that he is hitting that wonderful little spot inside of me. I look down and see that he is smiling up at me. I lean down and give him an long wet kiss. I lean back again and start to get back into the rhythm. Now I'm feeling the need to increase the pace. I do increase the pace and I'm breathing hard. panting. I'm going at a good pace now for a while. Moaning, I can see that he is getting ready to cum too. Then it hits me. He cums and that sends me to ecstasy. I let out a loud gasping moan. Michael has his face all scrunched up. I move some more and I can now feel his cock twitching inside of me. I smile and lean forward and give him a long wet kiss. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me close. I try to keep his cock inside of me but, his pulling me close to him makes me lean forward enough that he slips out. Shit!!
I roll off of him and lay with my head on his shoulder wrapping my arm across his chest. I ask," How was your day?"
He starts," It was interesting. Had a Zoom meeting with everyone and they've assigned me to start a branch here in town. With that I get a raise and a bonus for every new client that I sign up. First year I can do it out of the house here, but in a few years or whatever they would like to have a office and maybe another person there. I don't know if there is enough business here to warrant that. So for the next year I'll try to get more people on my list of clients. Then I went shopping. Got the condoms. at one store, but they didn't have lube. So I went to another store to get the lube and they were having a sale on condoms so I got another box. That's why I have so many condoms now. How was your day? Did you announce to everyone? How was Joyce? Did she rat on you? Tell everyone about your boyfriend ?"
"It was a okay day. I made my announcement and a lot of them weren't surprised. " I laugh a little. "In fact some had thought that I had done it some time ago. I had one person that I had a run in with. She got somewhat violent. Pushing chairs over, slamming things around. Calling me a degenerate and other things. I reported her for the pushing chairs over and I think that she may get dismissed. She was such a bitch. After she called me all those names and insulted me, she had the gall to think that I would still cover for her when she was going to go on vacation to Vegas with her husband. With my announcement I was given an appointment with the CEO, who is the endocrinologist and he has started my on hormones and a T blocker."
"A T-blocker? What's that?"
"It's something that stops your body from being affected by testosterone. So the Estrogen can work unhindered by testosterone. So I can start looking more girly. Getting some nice boobs and a cute girly butt."
He smiles as he moves his hand and squeezes on of my butt cheeks. "I think you have a cute butt already."
We lay in bed for a while, both of us spent. I realize that it's after 7:00, I start to get up and get dressed. He gets up and gets dressed as well. I say, " I have to leave. I have to get up at 5:00 to get to the hospital before 6:00. I don't have any clean clothes here to be able to leave from here to get to work in the morning. Other wise I would stay."
"Yeah. So pack a bag with a few things and then you have them here to change in the morning. I'd ask you to move in if you want, but is it too soon to ask you that?"
I smile at him. "I'd love to. But my lease doesn't end for 2 more months. I don't feel I can afford to pay for it if I'm not be living in it. Especially now that I have to pay for the meds now. But when my lease is up, expect me here with a bunch of boxes. And then I will expect some help moving too."
I put on my coat looked around to ensure that I had everything. Walked to the garage door turned to Michael and gave him a kiss then said, " Next time I'll bring a bag so I can spend the night." Pausing. "If that is okay with you?"
" Hell. I don't want you to go now. Why would I think it would be okay for you to go home the next time?"
I walked out into the garage and got in the car. He walked out into the garage with me. I got in my car and he stuck his head in and gave me another kiss. I shut the car door, He walked back and opened the garage door and watch me as I backed out. I then waved to him and he waved back. I watched as the garage door closed. I backed out into the street. My heart suddenly felt so empty. I got tearful, and thought that I was going to cry. I got to a corner stop sign and stopped. It was pretty quiet. I put the car in park, dug out my cell phone and called Michael. He answered. "Hi Sweetness. Did you forget something?"
"No. I just wanted to hear your voice again."
"I love you Jordan."
"I love you too. Michael."
"Oh. I was going to ask you, but I got sidetracked. Do you want to go to Plymouth this weekend?"
"Hmm. What's in Plymouth?"
"My Parents. I thought it would be nice to have you meet my parents. At least before we start living together."
"Uhmmm. Yeah sure that would be okay. I think. "
" Great. I'll tell them I'm bringing someone. Love you. See you again soon."
Meet his parents ?
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